


when god takes you back (he'll say hallelujah, you're home)

by strandedonthemoon



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: AU, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Awesome Carol Danvers, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Crying, Gen, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt Tony Stark, IM CRYING A LOT, Like lots of it, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Angst, Peter Parker Has a Family, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, especially from me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-24 05:01:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19166350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strandedonthemoon/pseuds/strandedonthemoon
Summary: ENDGAME SPOILERS!!





	when god takes you back (he'll say hallelujah, you're home)

**Author's Note:**

> AU- what if Peter snapped his fingers and not Tony? 
> 
> why do i do this two myself i've been crying for three hours.

Tony got Peter back. He looked at Peter like he made heaven rain down on the earth. He held him like he he was a piece of that heaven.

A thought ran through his head as he kissed the boy's cheek. 

_I can't lose him again._

 

* * *

 

Stephen raised a finger. _Once chance._

And Tony got it immediately. He knew what to do. 

The sorcerer's face softened at Tony's expense- almost like an apology- and he couldn't help but consider if that's really what the sorcerer wanted. If that was his flawless plan. His one in fourteen million. He wanted to take Strange's trembling hand and close it in itself and say, _it's okay. I've looked death in the eye more than I_ _can_ _count. I am ready._

_I'm willing to make this sacrifice if it means protecting the ones I love._

_You don't have to carry the weight of this guilt. It isn't yours to bear._

But Thanos had all the infinity stones. They didn't have much time for conversation. 

 _It'll be okay,_ he thought, more to himself, _because Pepper won't let it be otherwise._

Tony started for the gauntlet, but just before he could lunge for it, Thanos's arm was webbed to the ground and he was being pierced in the back with a spider leg. Peter made a dive for the gauntlet, but before he could do anything, Thanos flung him away from it and to the ground. A shuddering gasp escaped Tony before he could help it. 

The titan looked at Tony then, and he could see it, in the glint of his eyes. The determination. The manic, crazed glee. They lost again, and it's because he was too slow to grab the stones. 

"I am inevitable," he boomed, snapping his fingers. 

And... 

And nothing. 

Thanos flipped the gauntlet around to find stone-shaped holes where the paranormal objects should be. 

"Wha-" Tony started, but before he could complete, he heard the familiar crack, and an agonizing scream so familiar and yet, he'd never heard anything like it. His head never turned so fast. 

Peter. Leaning on one knee, the stones in a makeshift gauntlet on his hand. 

Peter. Who he just got back. Who he couldn't lose again.

_No, no, no. Please. Anything, anyone but him. Anyone. I can't come back from that again, I can't._

"Fuck, no one told me it would... _hurt_ this much," Peter said, panting slightly. His nose was bleeding profusely, his cheekbone black and blue, and his hair was matted, blood dried and brown. And he was trembling all over, his body rejecting the gamma radiation being pumped into his bloodstream. But he narrowed his eyes and smirked at Thanos, determination flooding him like no other, and his hand was nothing but steady. 

"But then again, it's nothing a kid like me can't handle," he said, smiling like it was a joke, and snapped his fingers. 

Tony lunged for him, but it was too late.  

 

* * *

 

Suddenly, Tony understood why Strange was so sorry.

 

* * *

 

_No, no, no, no, no. Not Peter. Anyone but Peter._

He was sitting down on the floor, back laying on a piece of random rock, eyes glassy and far away. Half of his side was burned beyond repair; his skin was searing and charing coal, from his hand, all the way up his arm and to his side, down his leg and up his neck. His nanotech suit was falling and blistering at the seams and his face- God, his face. It took all of Tony's might not to look away. 

Tony could see Rhodey talk to him in his peripheral sight, but he couldn't hear what he was saying over the sound of his heart bursting in his chest, beating so erratically he might have been worried another time. 

The minute he was close enough, Tony fell on his knees and scrambled to the kid. He tried not to let his hand shake as he cupped Peter's cheek. 

_Not Peter. Anyone but Peter._

"Hey, kid," he said, his voice breaking. "We're going to get you fixed up, okay? You're going to be fine."

Peter's eyes turned to him too late, and his eyes were glassier up close. Like someone painted them with nail varnish. Tony let his finger rub the area under Peter's eye with his thumb, as if he could wipe away the charcoal burns like they were just dirt. 

"FRIDAY, scan him," Tony said, taking his hand away from Peter's face and looking for any other prominent injuries around his body. Distantly, he could hear Pepper's sniffles.

"Sixth degree burns on his forearm, fifth and fourth degree burns on the most of the right side of his body, punctured stomach and kidneys, rectal bleeding-"

"FRIDAY, stop," Peter whispered, his voice just above a breath. 

Somewhere in his ribcage, he could feel his heart drop. "Peter..."

A small smile decorated Peter's face, timid but there. "It's- It's not your fault."

"Kid, please," Tony cried, tears flowing down his face. 

"This isn't- This isn't on you."

"No, come on, please," Tony sobbed, his hand over his mouth. "I can't lose you again."

"And you're- ah, shit-" Peter cursed, scrunching his eyes in pain. "You- You're a _good_ person."

Sobs racked his body, his shoulders and hands shaking from it. He dropped his head on Peter's shoulder and wrapped a hand around his waist, avoiding the burns. He felt Peter's fingers on his forearm.

"Tell May-"

"I'm not telling May shit," he said, lifting his head from his shoulder. He looked Peter in the eyes, willing for... _something_. For anything. "You tell her."

Peter continued like he didn't even speak. "Tell May- Tell her and Ned and MJ that I- that I loved this superhero life."

" _You_ tell them."

"And that- shit, _gah_ \- that I loved them-" 

Tony brushed the hair from Peter's face, trying to keep it together for the kid but knowing that his jaw was trembling.

"And that I-I love _you._ "

Something caught in Tony's throat. "Pete-"

"And that I'll tell Ben they say hi." Peter squeezed Tony's forearm, the gesture weak. 

"I love you, too," Tony said frantically, his words starting to blend together. He couldn't lose him. "Please, Peter- I love you too, just stay with me, okay? Alright? You just got to stay with me."

Peter smiled the same smile a child would give their parents when they knew they were going to disobey. 

 _I can't_   _lose him again. I can't. I won't come back from that again._

Tony rested a hand on Peter's neck, by his pulse-point, and he didn't even try to keep it together. He started rattling the first thing that came to his mind. "I-I have a daughter named Morgan, and she knows all about you and your shenanigans, and she can't wait to meet her big brother so you have to stay so you can see her and- and, shit. And I have a lake house and I promised myself I'd go swimming with you and May- May has a new apartment now and new legos came out and they're making a new Star Wars movie and I love you, Pete- Peter, come on, kid."

His eyes were dimming and his hand was going limp and Tony could feel the thump of his heart slow against his fingers, but he just continued. 

"And, uh- Fuck, Peter, I love you. I figured out time travel for you and- and Happy and May are dating and I have a-a new asset manager and I've made a billion new AI's for you and I love you and- and- _I'm_ _sorry_ \- oh my god- I'm so sorry-"

"Tony-" Pepper's voice sounded.

"And Pepper and I got married and we're renewing our-our vows soon and I need you to be there-"

A hand tugged on his arm, but he stayed glued to his kid. "Tony, please-"

"And May kept all your textbooks and she works at a new hospital and Mr. Delmar still knows your order and the girl you helped with the cat put flowers in the tree where you saved it and _Peter-_ "

The hand tugged again, this time with more force, and he was pulled off his knees and away.

"And- I still know your voicemail by heart and your phone number," he called out, trying to reach for Peter, but cold, metal hands surrounded his waist, "And I have your fingerprint in my lab and all your sweaters and formula notes and I love you and- and I'm _sorry_." 

He collapsed into someone's chest and the familiar scent of vanilla engulfed him. Pepper held him tight enough that he wouldn't be able to escape, but instead he let her catch him as his knee's buckled. He couldn't tear his eye's away from the kid. 

"I'm sorry," he sobbed though his fingers. "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry."

His eyes didn't move away from Peter until Rhodey carried him out of sight. 

 

* * *

 

Tony paid for his funeral. Or his second funeral, now that they had a body to bury. 

He visited his grave every Sunday after that, guaranteed, with sunflowers and new vial of wed fluid in hand, because he never knew if Peter needed some up there or not, and better safe than sorry. And he'd always talk to him, whispering quiet storied about May and Happy and Ned and Michelle and Pepper and Morgan and all the things he would talk about if he were really here. 

Two months in, Peter's phone company shut down, but Tony paid them to reopen up so he could listen to Peter's voicemail. 

A memorial for Natasha was made in her honor- a large statue of her, standing tall and proud and fierce. Tony kept an eye on its construction and made sure it was funded by him. Beside it, a children's home opened in her name- for all the homeless kids she found homes for. 

He never made a memorial for Peter; he couldn't bring himself to. Instead, Tony opened a school- completely free of charge and accommodated to anyone willing to learn and create. Completely paid for and funded by Stark Industries, and managed by May Parker and Pepper Potts.

Parker's Institute for the Gifted. PIG, for short, because he knew it would make him laugh. 

 _That's a terrible school name!_  he could just hear him say. 

Tony never did make him a memorial; he planted sunflowers in their garden with Morgan because he knew they were his favorites. He made sure Ben and his parents' graves always had flowers on them, because he knew Peter would like that. He bought him a camera and kept it in his room at the lake house, along with all the other things Tony bought him but Peter could never use. On Mother's Day, he'd bake cupcakes for May and make sure she didn't feel alone.

He never did make a memorial, but in an odd way, he did. Carved a Peter-shaped hole into his life that he could never try to fill and succeed. 

Because Tony was right: he couldn't come back from that again. 

**Author's Note:**

> im in a puddle of tears
> 
> shout into the void that is the comments. the void speaks back. 
> 
> kudos and comments?
> 
> thanks for reading!


End file.
